Friday, February 13, 2009

I know I'm going to jinx it but...

I just noticed that today was Friday the 13th. And I'm still alive.

Unlike certain members of my Italian family, (Mom) I'm not really a superstitious person. I don't really believe in good luck or bad (I do, however, habitually throw salt over my left shoulder when I spill it). But you may recall that last Friday the 13th, my bike tried to kill me. And the one before that summed up something like this (I swear I'm not making any of this up):

Originally posted Friday, July 13, 2007

If you have a busy week, everyone else will plan things for the same week.


If you have an even busier week, Joe will switch shifts and be gone for all of it
Link
If you have a million things planned, your child will get the flu. **Turns out it wasn't a stomach flu, he had that cryptosporida from the swimming pool and he ended up being in the emergency room overnight for dehydration. Awesome huh?

If your child gets the flu, he will somehow manage to puke on every single blanket and shirt he owns.

If your child pukes on all his clothing you will dress him in his sister's shirts

If you dress your son in his sister's clothing, your husband will give you The Eye. Not the good one either.

If your son barfs on all of his bedding, his shirts AND his sister's, you will have a lot of laundry.

If you have a mountain of laundry, your washing machine will break.

If you have a broken washing machine, a pile of laundry will build up, take over the basement and threaten to spill out onto the street to show your neighbors what a bad mom you are.

If you get frustrated with Laundry Mountain, your children will put all their efforts into tearing all the books off the shelves and dumping hundreds of thousands of Polly Pockets all over the house.

If you have piles of towels to be cleaned and a totally dirty house, you will forget it all and go on vacation for the weekend.

Since you can't do laundry you decide that you'd like to come home to a clean kitchen and do the dishes.

As you're doing the dishes the sink will clog and 12 gallons of water will pour out of a broken pipe all over the kitchen floor.

As you're trying not to use The Swear Words you leave your husband to fix the sink and start to pack the truck.

If you tell your daughter not to play around in the truck as you're packing it, she will tell you that "it's OK", grab the rear-view mirror, yank it off the glass and break the windshield!!!


If you (after a towel-throwing, door-slamming, screaming fit) decide to abandon the vacation entirely and send your husband by himself, he will have Guilt and take your daughter on a mini-fishing trip to a nearby pond.

If you take a three-year-old on a mini fishing trip she will catch a hook on her leg, cut herself and be afraid of fishing flies forever.

If your three-year-old injures herself at Adventureland Park you will vow never to return there ever again because this is the second time in a row that you have removed a bleeding child from that park.

When you get back to the house you will have two tired, dirty (bloody) children, a broken washing machine, a messy house, a soggy floor and a husband who gets to go on vacation without you AND your neighbor will back out of her driveway and try to crush you with her Tahoe.

If this happens, you will remember what day it is today. Then you will sit down on the wet floor amid the barf towels and the Polly Pockets and laugh until you cry.

So yeah. Friday the 13th has not so much been my friend. However, it's almost 6pm and that's 2.5 hours from bedtime. Even though we tempted fate by inviting several pre-schoolers over to decorate Valentine's cookies, I think we may survive. If anything fabulously terrible happens in the next little while, I'll be sure to post about it from the bunker in which I'll be hiding.

3 comments:

the Lurkers said...

Wow. Next time I have a bad week I'll think of you!

Missy said...

Holy cow - you get the crappiest week award. What can I do to help you???

Scott&Janae said...

sounds horrible. I hope that the cookie decorating was fun.